Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Hobbyist Core Member Yemi HikariFemale/United States Groups :iconbleached-theory: Bleached-Theory
Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
12 Month Core Membership
Statistics 257 Deviations 1,421 Comments 11,277 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Driving Lesson
Kaoruko felt that her idea was brilliant. There was no way that her plan would not be able to succeed. She had already arranged with the police department to receive the proper paperwork to go through with her plan. She couldn't understand why they were laughing at her. They avoided laughing when it came to her work at the office even though she was a female. But this they thought was hysterical.
Of course, unknown to Kaoruko, they had thought about the circumstances of what she was trying to do and thought out all the facts. They knew that Kaoruko's plan might not go as well as she wanted it to. And, if it didn't, she would be taking more work at the station to get over her ordeal.
But even though they were laughing at her and they didn't tell her why they were laughing, she still went and drove to her father's house. She got out of her car and went to near where the Bunraku was being practiced. She was glad to find that they were nearly finished. Her nephew cam out and put U
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Mary Sues Ahoy
Jack Sparrow was quite happy to be sailing around the sea. The reason for that was he was a pirate. The only other place he would rather be would be hunting for buried treasure or drinking a nice pint of ale in a pub. That, or squirmishing with the navy and winning.
Today was a good day to be sailing. The wind was firm and blew at a rate that meant that they could get where they wanted to. Will Turner was standing in the crows nest, keeping an eye out for things askew.
"Ahoy, Captain Sparrow, there is a pink cloud approaching us." Will responded. Jack went and perched on the railing, holding onto a rope. Will was right; a pink cloud was approaching them.
Elizabeth then came out and saw that the pink cloud was coming. "It looks to be a cloud of Sues."
"You must be kidding," Will stated from above her. "Our Sues come in from the water, not the air."
"No, this is a Sue of a different kind. Woman's instinct!" Elizabeth picked up something to swat them away.
"Well, I think that is alright."
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Antics of Hobbits
The Press
Merry and Pippin were wandering around one day, when they found a rift between our world and theirs. They went through in total bliss, not realizing that they were in for a new adventure. They walked through what they thought was the woods near the Brandywine River. Suddenly, they came out and found that the woods ended abruptly and flatly next to a small field. Next to this field. Next to the field was a huge expanse of black, flat rock with flat grey rock jutting out of it. Weird metal objects that were taller then the Hobbits stood . A sign stood in one of the few green grassy areas. It said Treegrove Elementary School.
"Merry, why are we going to school?"
"What do you mean, why are we going to school,"
"You said we were to meet Sam and Frodo to go fishing."
"Yes and that's where we're going"
"Then why are we at ... school,"
"This doesn't look like a school. In fact, if it doesn't look like school, we had best see what it is,"
So, Merry and Pippin
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
That's How tThe Cookie Crumbles
Scott Abernathy stared at the carnage around him. He glanced around at what had once been his school. Well, his latest school that is. With his dad being in the military, one wondered when one would have to move to the next school. When his dad got sick, the one good thing that came out of it was he had to stop moving. The bad thing was, he still wasn't sure if his father would make it as he was still in the hospital recuperating.
There was another good thing that came out of it, but it was also a bad thing. Scott had met the Joes and the Cobras. The Joe's were an army group that had been disbanded then regrouped to fight of terrorists that threatened the world. The most powerful group of terrorists constantly came to blows with the G.I. Joes just happened to be Cobra. And Scott had somehow gotten on the bad side of Cobra.
That was why his new school had been destroyed. Thankfully it had been at night while Scott had yet again been working on a project for school. He should have known
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
First Day of School
Jean Grey
Jean Grey had been one of the students who had gone to pick up her school books before school had started for the Fall Semester at Bayville High. One of the reasons was that the Professor insisted that the students at the institute be fully prepared the first day of class. Another reason for this was it limited the chances for an incident happening that would not be in the best interest of the institute, for the last thing they needed was people being against the institute.
But Jean had her own reasons for going to the bookroom before the school semester was there. She enjoyed the smell of the room, filled with old and new books, the smells mingling as nicely as in the library. This also gave her a chance to look over her books before she got to school. Over the summer she always missed having classes, she felt as if her mind would melt from the lack of things to motivate it.
Jean opened her locker and unfolded the shelf she had bought for her locker
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Ronald, the Red Haired Weasley
Ronald the red haired Weasly
Had very reddish hair
And if you ever saw it
You would go blind from the glare
All of the other Weaslys
Used to turn teddy into a spider
Wouldn't let poor Ronald
Join in the Weasly broom riders
Then one foggy Hogwart's eve
Harry Potter came to say
Ronald with your hair so red
Won't you join Quiditch today
Then all the Weaslys loved him
As they shouted out with victory
Ronald the red haired Weasly
You'll go down in history.
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Childhood Friend - Harry Potter
Well, who would have thought
Lily, Severus
They were once good friends
But who would have thought
That about great him
Albus Dumbledore
There isn't really
Much for me to say
It was odd to find
Out in the very end
How much he held dear
A female Mudblood
Ironic isn't it
But sad just the same
I am a young one
In comparison
I hold no judgement
For it was not wrong
I hold him esteemed
Unlike I once did
I now respect him
I now understand
More then I once did
About your old friend
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Childhood Friend - Severus Snape
What one can see in
The freak that I am
Not even fitting in
With my very own kind
I was not Pure Blood
I was Mixed Blood
How she married him
I will never know
He was a muggle
Hating her and me
The abuse was there
It was never gone
I was very alone
With no one like me
I searched for one
Who was then alike
Apart of my world
And not of his world
I saw what you did
Magic you could do
Your sister could not
Curious I was
I wanted a friend
And you would be it.
You could see beyond
All the outward looks
Choose to judge me
By what my heart was
And how I acted
And of my actions
In me you saw good
That no one else saw
You and I were friends
No one understood
Why at all that was
But of course it was
Then friendship I blew
When angry I was
Not at Lily Evans
But at James Potter
But I blew at you
And our friendship flew
It could have been more
And you could have felt
What I fully felt
But I drove away
The one thing I love
Straight into his arms
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Childhood Friend - Petunia Evans
I have to admit
So jealous I was
We're peas in a pod
Or so we once were
But different paths
We would have to take
If I could do it
I would have gone too
I was the eldest
I would have gone first
To teach and mentor
The sister I love
But he was your friend
Nasty little boy
He was magical
I was just normal
A barrier grew
Between you and me
I so loved you
I so hated him
I blamed him for all
Your going away
Your untimely death
All were the boys fault
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Childhood Friend - Lily Evans
I remember thoughts
That what I could do
Everyone could do
I didn't once think
That I was unique
In a Muggle town
I remember that
Sister Petunia
Knew not all could do
The magical things
The wonderful things
Sister Saw me do
Mother and Father
The difference saw
But still loved me
And of anyone else
They could not have known
I was all they knew
Then you showed up
A bat like creature
Scaring a flower
Yet a child like me
Yet different too
Truth coming to me
Petunia I think
Magic disdained
Not from a hatred
But from jealousy
This divided us
I she disdained
She called us freaks
Because we were friends
And she could not be
Part of our friendship
She never did like you
Before we two met
Though friends we once were
We had differences
It became clearer
As the years passed
I was Gryffindor
You were Slytherin
But it was more clear
That day you did it
Calling me that name
Mudblood with disdain
They had all wondered
Why we had been friends
You were blind you know
You saw me as pure
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
To Be a Snake, Or To Be a Dragon
To be a snake
Or to be a dragon
That is the question

Two kinds of darkness
Two different paths
A choice to make
What of the snake
The options are clear
To fail is to die
To succeed is to live
Striving to be the best
With no one above
What of the dragon
Options become less clear
Exploits to control
Potent words having effect
World shattering events
A choice to change
What of the snake
Self motivation is key
There is no team
There is only I
Life is being alone
Having nobodies problems
What of the dragon
Moving among them
Controlling their paths
Adjusting destiny
Changing the dance
Belonging somewhere
What of the snake
Mistakes never made
To be above all
That is destiny
Security is never lost
That is life complete
What of the dragon
Out of grace falling
But constantly uprising
To be fulfilled are dreams
of hope and desires
Though dark they may be
What of the snake
Jealous of others
Wanting to seize
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Why Are There No Boy Faeries? (part 2)

"Someone left a review saying exactly this. 'Uh, yes there are boy Faeries.' The person was anon. Please, if you leave such a review, let everyone now exactly where there are boy Faeries in Neopets. All of us would like to know who they are. And, do not tell us that the Negg Faerie, the Space Faerie or Dr. Sloth are boy Faeries. I suggest reading their Neopian articles. The Negg Faerie's and the Space Faeries specifically have her as the pronoun in replace of them and Dr. Sloth is a mad scientist."
Also, it's been awhile since I've updated. I will put the reasons down below."
Chase had been fine for on their journey to Tyrannia. They had taken a sub to the surface of Neopia and then caught a bus to Tyrannia. It was in his opinion that though the journey was longer, it was more relaxing then flying was. Not so for Ameril. She complained the whole trip about the lack of air conditioning and that the heat caused her hair to frizzle, all of which
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Why Are There No Boy Faeries? (part 1)
A long time ago is a time that most Neopets' don't remember. In fact, most of the young Faeries in the world don't remember past a certain point, when their stopped being any new Faeries at all, because truthfully, there was a time their stopped being any new ones. But this went unnoticed by the younger generation. But the elder Faeries, they remembered very well why their were no new Faeries and it was a hush subject.
So, it begs to ask, where do Faeries come from in the first place? A lot of stories circulated among the Neopets' about how Faeries came to be, including the favorite tale that there was a Dark Faerie for every Light Faerie to even things out. Their were even some radical ideas that Sloth had created Faeries, but this tended to be the poor Neopets who believed that he really was the Happiness Faerie.
Out of all the young in Neopet's, none questioned this. But one young one, who had no parents went and asked where she came from if she didn't have a parent. Rose Mary, who
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Cherry Blossoms
We travel together down the road
Not picking up any new burden or load
We sit there waiting for nothing
We stand there wanting for nothing
Watching the Cherry Blossoms Fall
Together we tell the stories of old
Which after time have been left to mold
By those of my generation
Who scorn them without hesitation
Watching the Cherry Blossoms Fall
The path we have chosen
It is becoming more forsaken
For who now wants the sight
Of myself left, and you right
Watching the Cherry Blossoms Fall
Nor of any of our kindred
Our kind they forbid
To be anything but abnormal
Trying to make us feel small
Watching the Cherry Blossoms Fall
But life, it makes things different
For any of the messages they sent
Were not written in our script
For none of them are truly writ
Watching the Cherry Blossoms Fall
They could never foreseen
The luck and fortune so keen
Nor the tragedy so following
Yet so for us to be fixing
Watching the Cherry Blossoms Fall
You and
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
In Memoriam
Elflings for the most part know nothing about life and death. Their parents try to hide from them, the fact that life does end, because it is in truth not an elven concept. It is a concept of the things that are mortal. But war tore apart the land and thus many elves had died. Legolas, the young prince of Mirkwood was one such elfling that had been touched such by the death of his mother. He didn't remember her, but he did know that she wasn't there.
His father thus felt it was alright to give him a special gift. He told Legolas that when he awoke in the morning, to go to the stables. He thought that perhaps his father would let him try to ride a horse instead of riding a pony or riding with and adult elf. When he got there he saw his father watching a beautiful horse with it's coat a beautiful dark brown. It also had a wonderful build, something only seen so often.
At first Legolas was a bit dismayed. His father had just wanted to show him a horse that was new to the stables. His fath
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0
Mary Sue in the Manor
Draco was in the library of Malfoy manor looking through the books. The Mudblood would most likely laugh at the idea of him looking through books. And normally he would not look through books. But he was tiered of that Mudblood and was thinking of some how to get at her in a way that would, well, be written down in the history books. Because he was looking through his father's collection, which was off limits too him, he had waited until the senior Malfoy had left for business before he had even thought of trying to find a book.
As he ran his finger down the spines, he thought carefully. It wasn't his father who wanted him out of these books, but his mother. Other wise his father would have put a spell on them to keep him away. But that was typical of his mother, as she was a worry wart. He had thus waited until she had left on a lunch date. As he ran his finger along the spines, he wasn't doing it out of enjoyment as he wasn't fond of reading, or so he told himself. His finger read bo
:iconyemi-hikari:Yemi-Hikari 0 0

Random Favourites

Edward Cullen vs. Bruce Lee by pippin1178 Edward Cullen vs. Bruce Lee :iconpippin1178:pippin1178 274 84 Edward meets Sasuke Uchiha by pippin1178 Edward meets Sasuke Uchiha :iconpippin1178:pippin1178 261 132 Edward Cullen vs. Mythbusters by pippin1178 Edward Cullen vs. Mythbusters :iconpippin1178:pippin1178 1,506 618 Edward Cullen Meets Navi by pippin1178 Edward Cullen Meets Navi :iconpippin1178:pippin1178 353 157 Edward Cullen Meets Batman by pippin1178 Edward Cullen Meets Batman :iconpippin1178:pippin1178 313 127 Edward Vs. The Apprentice by pippin1178 Edward Vs. The Apprentice :iconpippin1178:pippin1178 271 136 The Trial of Pippin1178 by pippin1178 The Trial of Pippin1178 :iconpippin1178:pippin1178 163 162 Edward vs. Ichigo and Kenpachi by pippin1178 Edward vs. Ichigo and Kenpachi :iconpippin1178:pippin1178 405 136 Mary Sueism by Bassara Mary Sueism :iconbassara:Bassara 135 41 Mary Sue - How to Tell by windfalcon Mary Sue - How to Tell :iconwindfalcon:windfalcon 5,527 3,555 Resurgir by Ilustralia Resurgir :iconilustralia:Ilustralia 807 287 Another Bleach group pic by Bokensai Another Bleach group pic :iconbokensai:Bokensai 5 1 Gotei 13 by DaKroG Gotei 13 :icondakrog:DaKroG 102 13 Arrancar Antics - top 10 by oneoftwo Arrancar Antics - top 10 :icononeoftwo:oneoftwo 1,421 229 A rainbow of Bleach - Bookmark by oneoftwo A rainbow of Bleach - Bookmark :icononeoftwo:oneoftwo 1,210 110 Orihime - Trade by oneoftwo Orihime - Trade :icononeoftwo:oneoftwo 468 26

Random from Featured

Hitsugaya Toshiro by Obi-quiet Hitsugaya Toshiro :iconobi-quiet:Obi-quiet 413 179 Toshiro Hitsugaya by VinhFX Toshiro Hitsugaya :iconvinhfx:VinhFX 1,428 96 BLEACH: Hitsugaya Toshiro by ElmerSantos BLEACH: Hitsugaya Toshiro :iconelmersantos:ElmerSantos 598 63 Renji Angry and Hungry by Washu-M Renji Angry and Hungry :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 1,610 234 Ichimaru Gin - Sketch by Washu-M Ichimaru Gin - Sketch :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 1,299 123 Kurosaki Ichigo - Sketch - by Washu-M Kurosaki Ichigo - Sketch - :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 3,354 272 BLEACH - Who's your Daddy? by Washu-M BLEACH - Who's your Daddy? :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 4,189 470 BLEACH - Kurosaki ICHIGO -Burn by Washu-M BLEACH - Kurosaki ICHIGO -Burn :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 6,556 561 BLEACH - URAHARA is SELFISH by Washu-M BLEACH - URAHARA is SELFISH :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 4,735 400 BLEACH - Who Feeds the Kitty? by Washu-M BLEACH - Who Feeds the Kitty? :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 5,715 541 BLEACH - Speed Training by Washu-M BLEACH - Speed Training :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 7,013 838 BLEACH - WTF Sidestory 5 by Washu-M BLEACH - WTF Sidestory 5 :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 4,659 646 BLEACH - Byakuya Ichigo Renji by Washu-M BLEACH - Byakuya Ichigo Renji :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 3,261 263 BLEACH - Good Afternoon... by Washu-M BLEACH - Good Afternoon... :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 5,200 416 Hitsugaya Toshiro Sketch by Washu-M Hitsugaya Toshiro Sketch :iconwashu-m:Washu-M 2,121 138 Bleach - Toshiro Hitsugaya by keelerleah Bleach - Toshiro Hitsugaya :iconkeelerleah:keelerleah 5,814 353


Journal History


Kaoruko felt that her idea was brilliant. There was no way that her plan would not be able to succeed. She had already arranged with the police department to receive the proper paperwork to go through with her plan. She couldn't understand why they were laughing at her. They avoided laughing when it came to her work at the office even though she was a female. But this they thought was hysterical.

Of course, unknown to Kaoruko, they had thought about the circumstances of what she was trying to do and thought out all the facts. They knew that Kaoruko's plan might not go as well as she wanted it to. And, if it didn't, she would be taking more work at the station to get over her ordeal.

But even though they were laughing at her and they didn't tell her why they were laughing, she still went and drove to her father's house. She got out of her car and went to near where the Bunraku was being practiced. She was glad to find that they were nearly finished. Her nephew cam out and put Ukon in his box so that he could go and change into his traveling clothes.

Kaoruko gave herself a thumbs up and walked over to where the box was to wait for Sakon to get back. At this time her sister Chizuru walked over, glad to see her sister. "Kaoruko, what are you doing here?"

"I came to do something with my favorite nephew." Kaoruko said in her cheerful tone.

"You are up to something, aren't you?" Chizuru shook her head. "Why do I have the feeling you are going to do something more then you can handle. And… don't go into your rank with the police."

"At least Nagare believed in me." Kaoruko snapped.

"I'd seriously forgotten it was his idea that you go and become a police detective. Then again, if he hadn't been a puppeteer, he might have done the same." Chizuru groan. "And sometimes I wish he had. Please don't mention him to Sakon."

"Believe me sis, I won't." Kaoruko twiddled her thumbs.

"You really are up to something, aren't you?! What is it?!" Chizuru was starting to become concerned.

"I'm going to teach Sakon how to drive." Kaoruko said outright. There was a sincere look on her face.

"Kaoruko, Sakon doesn't have a learners permit!" Chizuru was turning pale. She had a feeling where this was going to end up.

"He does now!" Kaoruko held up a piece of paper.

"I should have known better." Chizuru sighed. "Little sis, do you really know what you are getting into?"

"Oh, come on, it will be a moral boost! He needs to have some confidence in himself without the puppet of his." Kaoruko noticed that Sakon was coming out. He already had his shoes on. She hurried and grabbed his hand. "Come on Sakon, I have something to do with you!"

"What about Ukon," Sakon had an upset look on his face.

"Ukon stays put. I don't need that loud mouth interrupting." Kaoruko said, dragging Sakon away. Chizuru could only hold her head, shaking it in dismay. She was starting to get a headache.


Kaoruko dragged Sakon to the car and unlocked it from the passenger side. He looked at her funny and got in. Kaoruko put her hands on her hips. "Nope, nice try. You need to be on the driver's side."

Sakon stared at her in confusion and skepticism. "You want me to drive."

"Why not." Kaoruko had that look on her face that said she wanted something and she was going to get it.

"But I don't have a learners permit even, Aunt Kaoruko." Sakon said in a timid voice. He suddenly had a piece of paper waved in his face.

"I already handled that one buko." Kaoruko had a grin on her face. Sakon nervously moved from the passenger seat to the driver's seat. Kaoruko then took a seat and they buckled in. Kaoruko handed him the keys, which Sakon took with his left hand. She stared as he tried to stick the keys into the transmission with his left hand.

"Sakon." Kaoruko said, her voice saying that she couldn't figure out how in the world he was not using his right hand. He looked at her nervously. "Use your right hand."

"But… Ukon…" He picked up his right hand. Ukon wasn't there.

"Sakon!" Suddenly, he turned on the car with his left hand. "Ohh, Sakon!"

Kaoruko shook her head. Sakon could only stare forward. "Alright, now, I want you to… are you listening to me?!"

Sakon was staring forward and shaking. He whispered to no one in particular. "I want Ukon."

"Sakon…" Kaoruko noticed that he was nervous. "Oh, fine! I'll go get Ukon!"

Kaoruko turned off the car and went to go get the puppet, not happy at all.


Saemon Tachibana stared at the box that Ukon was in. It most defiantly wasn't like Sakon to leave his puppet like this. He looked up at Chizuru and saw that she was very pale. "Sakon shouldn't be taking that long to change. Where exactly is he?"

"Kaoruko got it into her head to teach him how to drive." Chizuru said, shaking as she did.

"Sakon is a good boy; he'll be fine … once Kaoruko realizes that Ukon has to go too. This should be very interesting." He said, pondering the concept. "I really don't think that she'll do this more then once."

They then saw the youngest Tachibana sibling storming up the path. "That crazy boy. I try to do one thing with him with no puppets. If he can't do this, how does he expect to get a girlfriend?"

Chizuru paled even more. She watched as her sister picked up the box and stormed off. Her father spoke up. "Don't worry. I think I'll go and keep an eye on them. I want to see her face when this is finished."

"Thank you father." Chizuru watched as her father headed off. She could only get paler still.


Kaoruko showed up with the puppet box and got in. "Look, he can come, but he has too…

Sakon had all ready removed the puppet from the box. Kaoruko goggled at the two of them. "…stay in the box."

"Oi, Sakon, why are you in the drivers seat?" Ukon spoke up.

"Aunt Kaoruko is going to teach us how to drive." Sakon stated. Kaoruko's eye bulged.

"Not us… you!" Kaoruko felt like banging her head.

"Sakon doesn't have a Driver's License, let alone a learners permit, Auntie," Ukon spoke up. He stuck his tongue out at Kaoruko.

"Don't call me Auntie!" She waved the learners permit in front of Kaoruko. She jumped as her father got into the back seat. "What exactly are you doing here?!"

"I came to watch the progress." Saemon said as if it were no big deal. He watched as Sakon handed the keys to Ukon. Ukon turned on the car.

"Sakon, Ukon can't be driving! You need to!" But Kaoruko's pleas went unheard. Ukon was running the analog stick already.

"You'll have to run the gas and brakes and stuff Sakon because I can't reach them. I am to short. I'll also need some help stirring this big thing." They pulled out of the spot they were parked in without a fluke.

"Why is it you can't do anything without puppets Sakon. I hate to know what your life will be like if you ever get married. I mean, you're…" She felt her head get thumped from behind. Saemon gave her a stern look. He had that thing he thumped the apprentices' heads with when they messed up. "No back seat driving!"

"I'll back seat drive all I want." She felt herself thumped again. "I am older then everyone except Ukon, and he doesn't count because he is a puppet, a child puppet none the less."

"That's right." Ukon spoke up. Sakon was stirring one handed while Ukon messed with the stick shift. He was also messing with the radio. He switched it to a loud rock station. Kaoruko was surprised her father didn't complain, but then he enjoyed Ukon's odd behavior for some reason and he also liked seeing Kaoruko tortured, or so she thought.


They drove around for a bit and then returned to the house. Nothing bad happened, though someone on a bike crashed into a sign post when he saw Ukon. Kaoruko wanted to bang her head on the dash. She couldn't speak when they got home.

"So, Sakon, what did you think of driving." Saemon spoke up from the back.

"I don't like it," Sakon said matter-factly.

"But I do! It was cool!" Ukon piped up. Kaoruko groaned.

Sakon took the keys from Ukon and handed them to his Aunt. "Please, don't make me drive again."

He then got out of the car and headed to go into the house. Saemon looked at Kaoruko. "Are you ever going to pull this stunt again child?"

"No…" Kaoruko said weakly.

"I'll see you when you visit next." Saemon spoke up and got out of the car. Kaoruko quickly shifted into the driver seat. She couldn't wait to get to work to find something to get her off her insane nephew.

Driving Lesson
Disclaimer - I don't own Ayatsuri Sakon. This was originally published 2/29/08.
I honestly felt what you wrote was a "good" first chapter to your story. The prose was good, strong and quite descriptive, but I like your writing style. The story has a spooky feel to it, and you did quite a bit of good world building in the first chapter.

If there was one thing that confused me, it was whether or not Anne was Maria's daughter or not. I'm also wondering if the weapon and mechs noted towards the end should be noted a bit sooner, to help clarify the type of sci-fi world, as not many use mechs in Western series.

Technique wise, the only problem is the fact the paragraphs are all squished together, making it a bit hard to read. You may also what to think about italicizing the numbers like 19L43 so it stands out, but spelling out any number which is only two digits or shorter, as that tends to jump out at the reader.


Yemi Hikari
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I am a fanfic writer and fanart creater, not to mention I do some phptography on the side.

Fanfics 11-20 Posted

Thu May 18, 2017, 6:44 PM

I've posted ten more of my fanfics completely, or retagged.

A good chunk posted today was poetry, and the rest one-shots. I'm about 5% of the way through

Totoro Journal Skin by starrily


When creating art, you want the viewers to be able to see what you've done. However, for this image this is kind of hard to see. This i...


Add a Comment:
KiraElusia Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist
Thank you very much for the fav! :)
Yemi-Hikari Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
3wyl Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello! :wave:

:iconprojectcomment: has been an active group for more than eight years to help support artists like you, so welcome to our group! :heart:

Our front page lists fun and games that you can jump into whenever you like! We also have a Discord server, if you just want to hang out in a social and fun place, chat about art, projects and more! :eager:

Quick links
:bulletgreen: ProjectComment rules
:bulletgreen: What we mean by a "Constructive Comment"

Check out our visual guide for everything you need to know about ProjectComment
Visual Guide to ProjectComment by 3wyl
For a full, literary guide, please click here.

We hope you have an awesome time in our group! If you have any thoughts, suggestions, concerns, etc. please don't hesitate to send us a note! :typerhappy:
staindfan Featured By Owner May 13, 2017
Thanks for the llama badge.
Yemi-Hikari Featured By Owner May 13, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :)
Dark-Infamous Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014  Student Digital Artist
thanks for the fave :3
Yemi-Hikari Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome. :D
SuicuneLuver Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
HelloSunniLove Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thanks so much for dropping by my page. I do hope that you found something to your liking, if you have any suggestion, crits or things you may want to see please let me know.

Thanks again.
Yemi-Hikari Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Not much criticisms on your drawing style. You have a good grasp of anatomy meaning you can  do what you want when you draw.
Add a Comment: